The Chickens Are Coming!!

Fact: I hate birds.  And chickens.  And roosters.  And giant, gross, blue & red bumpy-faced turkeys. 

All of which are at my parent’s house. 

This morning, after enjoying breakfast and coffee with k, we hear the rooster’s sad, pathetic attempt at a cockadoodle-doo and it sounds like it’s coming from INSIDE the house. 

Of course, I panic. 

How did a rooster get IN the house?

Would DW bring it in the house as a pet?  Why does DW think a rooster is a pet?

How do I get the rooster out of the house?

How do I get around the rooster?  Without it seeing me?

I have so many questions!! 

So, after weighing my odds that there could in fact be a rooster in the house, I decide against it and let the pack of wild dogs (aka, the biggest babies in the world) out into the back yard, just in time to see millions of chickens and the rooster under a pine tree, right by the house. 

I run back inside to give k the scoop.  He clearly doesn’t care based on the look he’s giving me.  Meanwhile, I’m in crisis mode, preparing for an emergency of chickens-gone-wild

Then, as we’re sitting in the living room working we hear the chickens getting louder and realize they’ve come around to the front of the house.  They have us surrounded!  They are ready to attack!  What to do?!

So, I text DW.  Here’s how the conversation went:
{d} – They’ve got us surrounded!!  They’re planning an attack!!

DW – They know you don’t like them.

{d} – I know. That’s what worries me.  How fast do they run?  Can I out run them?

DW – I wouldn’t try.  Maybe you should try some kindness.

{d} – Ew.

DW – They really are friendly.

{d} – To you! You like them and you bring them food.

DW – Take them a strawberry.

{d} – NO! Those are mine! They can get their own strawberries!

DW – Have fun. Go visit the donkeys.

{d} – After the chickens move along.

DW – They will run the other way.

{d} – I’m taking a baseball bat, just in case.

DW –  A broom.

{d} – A bat.

DW – Don’t let them take it away from you.

{d} – Quit giving me things to worry about.

Thanks, DW!  Just send me out there to see the donkeys in the middle of the-chicken-attack-of-the-century!  If I don’t come back alive, you’ll miss me.  Just promise that on my tombstone it doesn’t say anything about being defeated by chickens.  How embarrassing!

Enjoy your day & wish me luck getting out of this house alive!